I heard recently of a friend of mine who is having some marital struggles. I thought these few questions might provoke some honest self dialogue that, in turn, would create healthy conversations with a spouse.

  1. What about this person captured my heart before we were married?
  2. When I think of my spouse do I think about their best features and strengths or do I think about the latest failure or disappointment?
  3. Am I self aware enough to know what is bothering me?
  4. What do I need and can I tell my spouse that without pointing the figure or blaming?
  5. When did the marriage cease to be fun, romantic and life giving?
  6. What am I doing that is causing marital strife?
  7. What can I do to give life to my spouse?
  8. Am I holding to grudges, bitterness, anger, resentment, jealousy or pain?
  9. Do I need to totally forgive, memory by memory, moment by moment?
  10. What do I want my marriage to look like, feel like, act like and what can I do to help us build that kind of life together?
  11. Have I celebrated my spouse this week?
  12. Do I know their love language and am I consistently speaking and demonstrating love?
  13. Does our marriage need outside support and help? If so, am I humble enough to ask for help?
  14. What values are being violated resulting in such strong emotion?

These questions, if answered honestly, can help create the kind of conversations that expose the issues causing marital stress and lead you to a place of stronger heart-to-heart connection & the rediscovery of the joy of marriage. I know there are more questions and even better questions, but my hope is these provide you with enough direction and courage to start rebuilding the marriage that Papa God has for you and your spouse.